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2006: Issue 9

It's ALL About ME

You see it on t-shirts; on knick-knacks and such, and may even find yourself saying it, with just a hint of sarcasm, about someone you know (i.e. your teenager).  And then you probably laugh it off.  More than likely for you certainly couldn’t give it too much credence without being called selfish, egotistical, self-centered, etc.  And there is some truth to that.

I will let you call me those names for during the last couple of years, I have learned to value and own “it’s all about me” and in doing so, I have managed to decrease the number of times I trip over my own two feet (figuratively and literally), and hopefully, increase the odds that I will be a successful coach. Working with clients, it is imperative I remove my agenda from the coaching relationship as one of the guiding principles of coaching is it is all about the client, and it is the client that sets and drives the agenda. Well, let me just tell you, this is harder to do than it appears at first glance, and it took a few trips for me to get it.   

I believe we all have a propensity to get in our own way — where we say something without thinking or don’t say something, even after giving it a lot of thought because we tell ourselves, “it doesn’t matter”; or avoid addressing an issue because doing so makes us too uncomfortable; or become like a “dog with a bone” and just don’t let go; etc.  The end result: more clean-up.  More time spent smoothing ruffled feathers; back pedaling; dealing with frustration after frustration; wasting energy on something we probably have little control over; and explaining ourselves, one more time.

For the absolute truth is the only person we can control is ourselves; thus, leading us right to “it’s all about me.”  Now, I am more aware of my strengths and how they can become my limitations; my values and my needs; my energy sources and drains; and I strive to honor and own them so that when I am with a client or clients, I can truly be self-less because I have been selfish. 

It is ironic that to be truly self-less requires being selfish, and for me, it is when the two are working together that I am most satisfied and have the ability to glide through my days with greater ease.  So many people are unwilling to own “it’s all about me”, and in doing so create situations where others do conclude, “it’s all about them.”   Perhaps that captures it.    

What do you believe?  Are you willing to give it a try, and see that “it’s all about me.”  If you're doing so consciously you will find that it is much more productive than doing so unconsciously. 


  1. Try it on for size.  When you are frustrated, say to yourself, so if it is all about me, what’s going on? 
  2. Give yourself permission to honestly answer the question.  Track your answers.  Are you seeing any patterns?
  3. Do five things a day just for you, and when doing these things, tell yourself, just that, I’m doing this for me because…….

Janet Crawford, MHA, MBA
Professional Certified Coach

David Scheiderer, MD, MBA
Executive Coach

Tiberius Rx ... written for professionals who defy the law of average and want to explore, experience and excel in all aspects of their life.

"Selfishness is that detestable vice which no one will forgive in others, and no one is without in himself."
– Henry Ward Beecher

"What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself."
– Abraham Maslow


On April 30 & May 1, Janet will be leading a 2 day retreat for Executive Directors of Virginia’s Free Clinics, After All, It is ALL about You!

On May 3, Janet will be facilitating a DiSC workshop for the staff of Girl Scouts of Virginia Skyline Council.